Lauren thinks I’m evil.
At least, that’s what she told a table full of my friends at a dinner
last month while they were all attending a legal seminar.
Interesting description.
You may wonder what I did to earn such a label.
Where do I begin?
The beginning seems like a good spot. Well, the beginning for me, at least.
My mother was a career woman in the 70’s at the dawn of the
modern feminist era. Knowing her, she
had little interest in the movement. She
was motivated to feed two babies after losing a husband while pregnant with my
younger brother. I grew up hearing the
stories: the boss who would “accidentally” reserve only one hotel room on a
business trip, the business trip dinners alone in hotel restaurants where men
would walk by and drop their room keys on her table assuming she was a
prostitute, the successful female friends who committed the ultimate sin of getting
pregnant which, of course, led to their firing.
Flash forward to 1993.
I was fresh out of law school and landed a job at the Dallas County
District Attorneys Office. The gender
breakdown in the office was (and remains) around 50/50 male-female. Sexism was never even a thought in my
head. It seemed so 1975. After all, it was the 90’s. There was no more sexism, right? Ah, so naïve.
Circa 2004. I had
been a criminal defense attorney for many years trying drug cases, sex crimes,
aggravated robberies and miscellaneous other felonies. The loss of a particular DWI trial led me to
consider focusing more on that area of practice. To do so, I knew I needed more training and
knowledge. In fact, I made it my mission
to master the art of DWI defense.
I heard about a national organization that was supposed to
be focused on training lawyers in this field.
I joined and signed up for one of their seminars. Now keep in mind, I was not a new
lawyer. At the time, I had belonged to
the Texas Criminal Defense Lawyers Association, the Dallas Criminal Defense
Lawyers Association and the Dallas Bar Association for YEARS. My first impression when I walked into this
DWI seminar in January, 2005 was - IT’S ALL MEN! I looked around and thought how odd it was
that I was one of the only women in attendance.
This was certainly a far cry from all of the other legal seminars I had
attended over the past decade.
It soon became apparent that not only was I one of the only
women there, the speakers were all male and the entire governing body of the
organization appeared to be male. Had I
joined a fraternity but someone forgot to tell me?
The seminar was ok but I did not leave with some vast new
understanding of the subject I was trying to master. I had a sense that there were a lot of men
getting on the stage who were trying to convince all of the other men in the
room that they were the Cock of the Walk.
Summer came and I was off to another seminar with the
national group. I once again walked into
a room of men. I seem to recall taking
note of possibly 5 women in attendance over the course of the next few
days. It was really a strange
experience.
Real trial lawyers – those of us constantly in trial as
opposed to lawyers who rarely try cases – can quickly spot a non-trial lawyer
trying to teach “trial skills” at a legal seminar. In short – they’re full of crap. There were a number, actually a lot, of men
speaking at these DWI seminars that left me feeling they had not seen the
inside of a courtroom since I was in law school.
As for the gals – well, there were no female lawyers that
presented. I did not understand at that
time how the organization was governed but it appeared that the entire
governing body was male. In addition, it
was not exactly a woman-friendly environment.
My impression was this – drunken middle-aged white guys on the prowl.
Overall, I felt my seminar dollars could be better spent
elsewhere so I began seeking out training from other sources. I didn’t leave the organization at that time
but I was not particularly engaged, either.
Over the years I watched women appear to rise in prominence only to
seemingly disappear. The few female
friends I made within the organization told me story after story of breasts
being grabbed at happy hours after the seminars would end for the day, women
lawyers being propositioned by very-married members of the organization’s
leadership, one friend thanking a leader for paying for a dinner at a seminar
and his response was to put his hand up her skirt, and so on. I remember one drunk lawyer sitting next to
the very married me at a seminar dinner trying to pick me up. Tailhook meets DWI.
Years went by. I ran
some stats on the number of female DUI lawyers who presented at the
organization’s seminars over the course of 8 years. A grand total of 149 men
presented during that time period compared to 5 women. The 5 number is misleading, however. 2 of the women were experts in a particular
field – not DUI lawyers. That leaves 3
presentations but there were only actually 2 women – 1 spoke twice. That leaves a GRAND TOTAL of 2 women DUI
lawyers on the stage in 8 years.
I was disheartened to learn that one female lawyer who rose
to prominence was sleeping with a member of the governing board. Another bought incredibly large fake boobs that
she felt the overwhelming need to display with tight, low cut tops at every
seminar. You’ve come a long way,
baby? Apparently not.
Meanwhile back at the ranch - I transitioned my practice to
100% DWI defense and took every conceivable course I could find on blood and
breath alcohol testing, field sobriety tests, DRE, alcohol pharmacokinetics –
you name it, I studied it. James
Publishing and my dear friend, Kimberly Tucker, asked me to come on board to
help re-write a DWI book for Texas. I
said yes and spent the next 3 years working on that project. It was finally published last summer.
In the summer of 2010 my disgust with the national
organization was such that I left. It
wasn’t until a new “leader” took over in 2011 that I came back with the hope
that there might be a new era dawning. I
sent him a long email detailing various events that had occurred and examples
of sexism within the organization. He
assured me that he had big plans for change.
In January, 2012, the organization put on their annual
seminar. It was held in Orlando. All male speakers. There may have been 10 female lawyers in the
whole place. Sigh. So much for “hope and change”, huh? I remember sitting around the pool with a
group that included a few women who were lamenting yet another seminar with no
female speakers.
When I returned home, I posted an email on the organization’s list
serve under the heading “Where are the Women?”. Here is a portion:
I would like someone in authority to explain the following to me and
to the rest of the membership:
I joined in 2004...From 2005 - today, there have been 149 male speakers at
your seminars but only 5 women. 2 of those 5 were experts.
Of the remaining 3, 1 female spoke twice. That leaves us with a net
result of 2 WOMEN DWI/DUI LAWYERS.
In 8 years, that's it? 2?
I'm in charge of the 2nd day of a 2 day TCDLA DWI seminar in May.
Of my 8 DWI lawyer speakers, 4 are female. I can find 4 outstanding
DWI litigators in North Texas and you can't find more than 2 in the entire United
States in 8 years?
I don't think I went to sleep and woke up in 1950.
What is going on here? Where are the women?
Who is in charge of speakers and why does there
appear to be no seat at the table for the gals?
No
real response. I was just a troublemaker
or crazy feminist or some other such nonsense.
In
the years since, many events have transpired between me and this group of men
that have altered the course of my life.
I took a stand that was not popular and there were consequences. People I knew well said terrible things about
me. For a while it was open season on
the troublemaker.
The
breathtaking arrogance of this organization is amazing. They sent a gal who I mistakenly thought of
as a friend to “suggest” to me that I rejoin the fold and make amends. She went so far as to point out that my
children are in private school and that is expensive – sure would be
unfortunate for something to happen to my income. Hmmmm….bringing my kids into it. Pretty amazing. Some might even say evil. What say you, Lauren?
When
I stood up for myself, I believed that I also stood up for the other women
within the organization and the ones who would come after me. Like Lauren.
I was standing up so other women would not be groped, propositioned,
discriminated against, ignored, disrespected, relegated to 2nd tier
status and so on.
As
a criminal defense attorney, it is supposed to be in our nature to stand up for
the little guy. We love the
underdog. I mistakenly believed I could
make a difference with the national organization. They controlled the grown-up table and
expected the women to be content to sit at the kids’ table. We were supposed to smile and look pretty,
right? By standing up to them, I hoped
and believed they would realize how wrong they were and reform would
follow. Ah, so naïve.
Reform
did not come. What they did instead was
make me the bad guy. The EVIL one. Right, Lauren?
Which
leads me to today. 2014. My law practice continues to grow. The
seminar company I helped get off the ground with some like-minded renegades is
taking off. I am constantly meeting
young, female lawyers at our seminars and giving them encouragement to reach
for the stars. My friends are awesome,
my husband is wonderful and my kids are amazing.
So
what did I learn along the way?
I
learned that if men want to preside over the grown up table and never invite
you to join them because you don’t have a penis, don’t try. Start a grown up table of your own. That’s what I did and our table is
ROCKIN’.
I
learned that the vast majority of men I know are NOT sexists but that if you
find a few, put them in a group and give them a touch of power – bad things
happen.
I
learned that the lengths to which some women will go to get ahead and undermine
other women is quite breathtaking.
I
learned who my true friends are. Not the
people I cared about and believed in who ultimately did not have my back – they
were never really my friends. I mean my
true friends.
I
learned that I am a lot stronger than I thought I was. Though I’m still under attack by the
organization, it doesn’t upset me anymore.
In fact, I now find them amusing and more than a little pathetic.
To those fellow lawyers who continue to have my back and
have more character than any other people I know - thank you. Michele, Linda, Kim, Sharon - you are forever
family to me. Mike – what can I
say? The past 2 years were made easier
knowing you were a text away. And Duke
sucks.
Evan, Tim, Rhid, Marcos, Jamie, Scott – I’m proud to call
you my friends.
Sandi – I already feel like I’ve known you for years. Have a Sea Breeze on me.
OO – you’re a good guy with bigger balls than anyone I’ve
ever met.
As for Lauren - this evil gal wishes you the best. I truly hope you obtain whatever it is you
think the organization can provide you.
If trashing me helps get it for you, well, good luck with that. With any luck, you won’t have to resort to
cosmetic surgery or blow jobs.
Oh, and if you ever want to sit at a different table – give
me a call.
